Someone is Drifting Away

I'm having not so much a crisis of faith as a crisis of church. At first I blamed myself for this reluctance to go on Sunday mornings. Bad me, I couldn't force myself to get dressed up and go to the uncomfortable place and see the dearly beloved and hear the tepid sermon and pray for a way to inject some Jesus into the situation. I prayed and prayed for the get up and go, literally. I thought about starting a ministry of small prayer groups. I thought if the sermon is so unpalatable, sign up to teach Sunday School. Too bad I'm old.

There's been time to have lots of thoughts because this frustration has been building for a while.

During summer vacation I attended my old church, whose lovely comfortable interior I had been missing; it took me exactly two weeks to get fed up with them, too. Last week yet another pastor I personally love preached yet another lukewarm, feel-good, psychology-based sermon.

While I was up there, I got together with 3 friends from the old, ardent prayer group, and they have left the Church due to these same frustrations--and they are now adrift. I had thought I was different, but maybe I'm not.

Back home at my computer, I read an article about the Church of England's concern they are losing members. Some of their clergy are doing wonderful outreach, though. "Jesus said to reach out to the poor." The article ended with a quote that even if there's no afterlife, the speaker would feel he had a meaningful life serving the poor.

Jesus is their role model, not their Lord and Savior! Clearly, that is why the Church is losing membership. For, "If a man's hope is in this life only, he above all men is to be pitied!"

Because the Church has drifted away from the truth of the Resurrection: "The one who believeth in me hath eternal life!!"

Because now the Episcopal Church near me wants to be a "spiritual home to all"--  all but those who bow to Jesus' name. I swear they all go to some clergy workshop where they're told not to mention Jesus too much! 

Because belief in eternal life through Jesus must mean you're  a) right-wing, anti-civil liberties fundamentalist or b) stupid.

And also because--I would like to add--that in all the weeks I've been missing services, the only personal communication received from the church has been a mailing about my pledge balance.

Retreat

I'm taking a retreat in the woods. No Internet, no TV: this automatically makes it a retreat. The Cowley Magazine came and gave me that idea. They devoted the issue to their Rule and had some original helpful guidelines for making your own Rule. My retreat will take place at a cottage I'm renting by a lake. Much effort and arrangement making to make it happen; but what a privilege. Other than feeling bereft without the radio and TV, I'm planning to enjoy the break.
The most original thing I already read in the magazine, a layman wrote he started by realizing he already had certain rules written on his heart. What is God trying to write there, what Love?
All I can think about is how Denny and I used to pray and sing hymns on our camping trips. We slept in tents like the Israelites did, but tomorrow I'll sleep in a lakeside cottage. I just think about sitting on that screen porch looking out on the lake. This is going to be a great retreat.