How Would Jesus Feel

I'll tell you: frustrated. There's ample testimony that he did. And sometimes in my small way (one must disclaim) I share that feeling. I'm talking about certain groups of disciples, not you, nobody reading this I'm sure. As Paul would say, Oh the beautiful depths the full richness of God! Oh how I long to open these riches and share my experience of light coming through the text of Scripture. But recently some kind of hardness prevented it.

Imagine you sat down with a group of people that say they want to learn more about geography. They glance at the maps and and quickly flip the pages. If you try to get them to pause and study one, you can't get a word in edgewise, the people are talking, they are telling YOU that Scotland is in Canada.

That doesn't happen with geography past age 15 anyway. But with Scripture everyone's an expert. Jesus you often tore your hair out, "How long must I put up with this generation!" Your disciples were dolts sometimes and missed the point and misunderstood and misapplied.

Had I gone on speaking this way, to quote Psalm 73, I would have missed the point. I asked God, why do people not receive your revelation? And then I remembered the parable of the sower. There are the hard paths and the birds who come down to take away the seed. But in spite of all their misunderstandings, Jesus kept on talking to them. So I guess that means I have to go back.

Per Mixta

Watching Obama speak to the UN while praying at the computer: the modern equivalent of "Bible in one hand, newspaper in the other."

Here is the Collect for Peace: "Eternal God, in whose perfect Kingdom no sword is drawn but the sword of righteousness, no strength known but the strength of love: So mightily spread abroad your Spirit, that all peoples may be gathered under the banner of the Prince of Peace, as children of one Father, to whom be dominion and glory, now and forever."

St. Augustine wrote "The City of God," a big book in which he contrasts the world's kingdom with the Kingdom of God, explaining that we live in "per mixta," an overlap of the two. We here pray, "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done." Now, in Obama's speech, calling for this generation to rise to the big challenges environmental, political, and nuclear, are we seeing the Kingdom trying to break in here?

I hope and pray so. The whole idea got me reading T.S. Eliot, who is blowing me away. "...But to apprehend/ The point of intersection of the timeless/ With time,, is an occupation for the saint--/ No occupation either, but something given/ And taken, in a lifetime's death in love,/ Ardour and selflessness and self-surrender...." ("The Dry Salvages," part V)

Not just to apprehend, but to effectuate, this we all may devoutly hope.

If I'm Already Dead

Years ago I read a wonderful short story called "I'm really dead." A youngish mother collapsed and died on the stairs while bringing in the groceries, but her family wouldn't let her alone. They kept making her get up to drive them places and to get them food. She kept snapping at them, "Leave me alone, I'm dead!!"

Can't remember how it turned out.

Anyway, at my age I have the reverse problem. Immersed in large family doings of adult children and young grandchildren I often feel my wisdom should be exerted on their behalf and my management skills deployed to their everlasting benefit. Then I have to remind myself, hey they'd have to work it out for themselves if I were already dead.

Of course if I were, they'd have my money to help them but never mind about that. The point is, when I think of how they would have to manage without me, I feel an opening in my chest, a relaxing.

Is this what is meant by "laying my burden down."

Now don't get upset anybody, I find when I share thoughts such as these people misinterpret.

Dearer than Gold and Silver

Ps. 119:72
"The law of your mouth is dearer to me
Than thousands in gold and silver."

I worry about money, shifting it around mentally. With no job, a son to support, and housing to keep up--well, it's anxious making. Each day I repeat, "Mei Merimnate," "Don't Worry"--Jesus' command/suggestion/reassurance. Each day I "turn it over"--and I have to say I haven't yet run out (of money).

Toay's Psalm gives a new perspective. "The law of your mouth is dearer to me" causes me to remember, "The body is more than clothes and life more than food."

Dear Lord, forgive my fears. Once again--today--this hour--now--I put my life and finances in your hands.
Amen